Skip to main content

falling is not the hardest part

Falling is so much easy.

People always say falling, dropping, plummeting down is the hardest. It destroys, it tears, it humiliates, it breaks everything. 

Honestly, the most struggling is not about that. It's in the middle of wanting to fall but not fall. It's the hanging part that shit the pants. It's the suspense. It's the almost there but not there. 

It is so much tougher when standing at the end of two broken grounds…the dilemma is real. It’s head splitting and soul shattering… tearing me apart slowly…and it's so...shitty

Me rn

People make decision based on the majority votes, the pros and cons, the most effective one, the good or bad…

What if the decision need to be made UPON yourself? It is about you…

Facing dilemma between the past you and the future you is so freaking hard. The past you is so amazingly awesome, doing just fine and have everything you can dream of.

Yet, deep down you know that’s not the real you. Something is missing. Something feels just not right. That feels like an upfront you who put on a façade.

The present you feels that too. The present you wants nothing more than just her own desire and want. She becomes a selfish bitch, yet it feels like herself. You are you. You feel you.

But, it’s not as simple as that. We live in a world with people. With actual human being. There is no denying part that living in this Earth has to be more than just caring about ourselves.

Unless you are fucking rich enough to buy an island and live by yourself over there.

Unless you are fine with just talking with yourself or animals or plants or air.

Unless you are fine being a bitch.

But I’m not.

I’m totally not fine about that.

I even feel like being this privileged brat is also not right. It also drives a fucking big hole in my heart. That I don’t know it exists until it dooms me into doing something anguish and destructing to people around me.

I realize it’s really not fine about this shit. AT. ALL. 

This shit is fucking hard.

How to find a balance with it is hard.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

I need to find comfort for this split.

Need to find a great balance with demon and angel.

It’s time.

About time for that shit digging.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introvert?Extrovert?Ambivert?Whatever you like laaa

Introvert or extrovert ? This might be the question that you get asked a lot in some days. I used to answer confidently that I AM EXTROVERT! I am somewhat that crazy bitch , loving the attention people given to me and not embarrassed being the quirky among the gang. But I don’t know why. If you ask me right now, I might say I actually am an Introvert. You must be wondering: Vivian, you must be fucking kidding me. If you are introvert, then no one in this world is a freaking human! I kid you not. I love to be active when there are people around me. We have fun. We have joy. We have shit. That’s like life. Just life. It is probably during the COVID-19 period , I somehow become introvert after getting ‘locked’ inside the dormitory in my university. I think there must be A LOT of people out there, agreeing me. Everyone looking at his must be nodding their head and say, “YOU ARE GODDARN RIGHT, BRUH!”. But fret you not, that is okay. Truth to say I think everyone has different side of ...
2 comments
Read more

Be considerate 做个通透的人

Jason and Vivienne are couples. One night, they were chatting but somehow the guy had a bad working stressful day, so he treated the girl in a dismissive and passive way. The girl did not aware of it since they were having long distance relationship. They hung up instantly after the argument. The girl had some thoughts that wanted to find a better guy because she felt that she deserved better. But somehow, something came into her mind. She should be more understanding and considerate. The boy was working and probably had a rough time, but he still managed to squeeze his time to talk with her. She then realized it would be better to communicate and talk it out when both were in cooling heads. The day after, they were opening up the problem and talked in a reasonable and rational manner, that both came into a consensus to be more understanding into each other and tried to stand inside each other’s shoes. No Adidas? No Nike?? No Yeezy??? It's okay. Stand inside my shoes, so ...
Post a Comment
Read more

React to My Past Overreaction over Seller's Threat

The other night, I was reliving the moment when I felt "threatened" by a random Lazada seller that I resort to multiple ways to try to bring them down. To set the scene, I have actually dug back up my previous post where I posted the incident on my Facebook feed: Back to now, my reaction seems a little bit... exaggerated and too-over. HAHA. Like I was seriously out of emotional control, and most importantly, my friend reminded me how "beyond" I had done back then just to get back to that seller. 1. I reported to the platform's customer service and made sure they understand loud and clear how this seller's response was out of depth and downright disrespectful. 2. I almost reported this incident to the police station, which now I find it ridiculously funny and nonsense. Looking back, the seller did refund me the money but I personally felt violated hence the "attempted revenge". 3. But, I DID report this incident to the related authority. Something a...
Post a Comment
Read more