Helping vs Caring
Do you really try to help in a good intention or something else?
When your loved ones are suffering or facing some problems, are you eager to help out by voicing out your solutions, your recommendations to do this and do that? You will be so contented and happy when they accept your methods, even if they actually did not really ask for it and haven’t completed what they wanna tell ya.
Yeah, you got that right! You maybe have some savior complex going on in you.
Savior complex, or called as white knight syndrome, is the time that you put your disgusting gross finger into other people’s businesses and think that you are saving their butt off. But, actually it is annoying to them because no one asks for them.
We literally live in a world surrounding of K-drama scenes broadcasting how the hero is saving the life of a depressed and financially draught girl from some traumatized moments. Why can't you just let the girl to have her fucking time to fight for herself?
We are so surrounded by the heroic movies that unconsciously we are trying to live one in the real world. When our friend comes and cries about her boyfriend, you will be shoving your opinion down into her throat before she can finish off her sad sobbing stories. When our friend complains about her boss, you couldn’t help but recommend how another big multinational company is so much better without hearing exactly what she/he has to say first. We tend to overhelp someone before that person even say anything about anyone.
We are so into our own "white knight mindset" that we need them to know we are going to help them no matter what. We are friends, so we should help each other no matter what is the exact situation. "I am on your side! Let's go and kick that bastard's ass and knows who rules the world!" Ok, let me stop us there.
Who the fuck asks you for that? You cant even help your own emotions and feelings, let alone care the shit on what other people’s feeling is. Trying to act noble in front of other people is one of the symptoms of savior syndrome. By ‘helping’ someone out is just some unconscious way the 'saviors' make themselves to feel better of themselves because they think they are capable of solving someone else’s problems.
Letting your emotion to get attached with others’ emotions is a self-depreciating move. You are paying no respect to yourself by trying to take other peoples feelings into your own account. You are snatching away their responsibilities of their behaviors so that you could be the ‘hero’ of the incidents whereas there's nothing to do with you.
Can you imagine a sidekick coming to snatch your scene by trying to be their own hero? No! Other peoples' emotions should be handled by themselves. We are all mature adults with reasoning and rational thoughts. Putting their feeling upon us is just going to ruin their independence and critical problem-solving skills.
I hate to admit but I think I might have this 'hero thing' in me. The more I prioritize someone , the more I have this 'hero thing' onto that person. I know myself that I will prioritize my loved ones more than myself. I uncontrollably show my anxiety, anger, and sadness when someone that I care is in distress. I couldn’t help but feel I should do something to cheer them up; that I ought to make them happy back. It's like my some James Bond mission to kill those negative feelings as my villains.
Unless they smile, I will not stop entertaining them by making a fool out of myself. Unless they crack in laughter, I wouldn't stop bothering them with my lame jokes and stupid stories.
But seriously I think this got to stop somehow whom I attached my feelings and how my day is with other people's feelings. This is so not healthy and toxic as heck to my own mental health, and maybe other people’s mental state too. My loved ones might think if they do not get any better soon in front of me, I might just get more aggressive with my action that is slowly suffocating them with my ‘too-eager’ actions to ‘fix’ their problem.
Let it go! Let it go! You can hold it back anymore!
Honestly, our loved ones didn’t actually need those "help" unless in desperate means. We can't help what they gonna do for their actions and decisions, because in the end it's their life that they are the one to determine it. What we should do and the only thing we can do is be there and hear them out. Listen and truly share the connections instead of ‘saving’ them from the problems. Care for them instead of helping them. Only answer accordingly and choose the right tones and words when they ask for your help. It's always your opinion and your decision that work in you style of life. It doesn't mean it works in theirs. After all, they will understand and move on with their decision and be good with it.
So stop being a white knight trying to save someone from the wicked hands of others. Instead your gross hand could be more busy into cleaning your shit up on your ass.
PS I get inspired by this article. This is a Chinese version of telling you to stop minding other people's businesses. Only that is considered as self-respect and self-discipline to yourself. [不为别人的情绪负责，是你的顶级自律]
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